I've been thinking a lot lately about the use of exemplars in the classroom. I remember obsessively hoarding student work as we finished up projects, asking my students if I could keep their piece of work to show next year's students; staying up late colouring and neatly printing out sample posters and typing essays to share with my students if I didn't have any student examples to share. This seemed to be such a key piece of the whole teaching process to me - making sure that students knew what done looked like. When I'm in classrooms these days, this seems to have faded away, often accompanied by the statement "but what if they just copy it?" While I understand this fear, I think that it is, for the most part, unfounded. Kids copy when they feel uncertain about their own understandings or presentation abilities or when they are intrigued by the example and want to know more; either way, this is what we should be recognizing and addressing, not the copying itself. Examples help kids know what quality work looks like and help give them a target to shoot for, an understanding of where they are headed. Examples support kids with diverse learning abilities by removing the barrier of the unknown, which can trip so many kids up, and making the target explicit and clear. Examples are key to student learning and yet they seem to have been abandoned in so many classrooms.

This post isn't actually about examples though. This post is about finding an essential question for my course curation project. So why did I open with my thoughts about examples? Because I'm going to be that kid, you know, the one that teachers worry about, the one that copies the example. You see, my instructor threw out the sample question "How do relationships build a learning commons?" and I couldn't resist. This question intrigued me. It stuck in my head like a song you can't shake, no matter how many times you try to sing a different one. I tried to come up with a different question, I tried to reframe this question, I tried to send myself off if in a different direction but I just kept coming back. So I've decided to treat this as the exemplar and myself as the student who is intrigued by the example; I'm going to let myself run with it and hope that my instructor appreciates my exemplars argument.

The obvious question now is "why does this essential question grab me?" What is it about relationships that is so intriguing to me? To answer that, you need to understand that I am, by nature, a collaborative person. I am at my best when I am bouncing ideas off of others, working together to mould and shape an idea into a final product, whether that's a lesson, a unit or a support plan. I recognize that success in my current role (as a support teacher) is highly predicated upon building successful relationships with classroom teachers, as I cannot possibly make a difference for individual students if their classroom teachers aren't on board. I have worked in environments where I had very close, dynamic relationships with teachers; I have also worked in environments where the relationships were more transactional or limited to surface collegiality, lacking the depth to create a team approach to supporting students. It is always the close, dynamic relationships that fuel true success for students and I'm fascinated by the process of cultivating these relationships. As I look at moving to a teacher-librarian role, I wonder if the process of developing these relationships is the same or if it is different, given the different purposes attached to the roles. I have spoken with TLs who have previously been in some kind of support role and they have all indicated that there is a difference, that the expectations of a TL are very different from those of a support teacher. Initially, I wonder if this isn't because the generally accepted idea is that "A learning commons is a whole school approach to building a participatory learning community. " (Leading Learning, 2020), whereas learning assistance teachers (also known as learning resource teachers or some variation thereof) have the explicit goal of supporting specific students, rather than the whole school. 

It is fascinating to me that something as simple as a title and job description could impact how classroom teachers interact with a support teacher. Obviously there are other pieces at play - individual personalities, school culture, etc. - but clearly there is something to the title itself. Examining my current relationship-building processes (that makes it sound very clinical but there are definitely deliberate aspects to it) and what I might keep, shift or change as TL in order to foster a strong LLC program is, I believe, essential to becoming a successful TL. I can see how the Leading Learning website will help me begin to piece together where I need to focus. The standards of practice and growth stages will serve as guideposts (not quite exemplars, but close!) that will help me identify where I'm at and where I'm headed; I'm especially interested in diving more deeply into the sections about collaborative engagement and engaging the learning community. There is clearly a lot to be gleaned from this website!

I continued that conversation this evening, with my 10 year old, with a slightly different entry point. She overheard my husband and I talking about the riots and wanted to know more. She had a lot of difficulty wrapping her brain around why a man, any person really, would kneel on someone's neck for any reason whatsoever. She could not fathom how someone could cause another person deliberate pain and suffering, could not make sense of such a horrific act. She could not understand why people would stand by and film and not step in. And while I cannot help her make sense of this act (because it doesn't make sense), I can help her understand how people can be led to believe certain things about certain people or groups of people, often with even realizing it. I can help her understand that we must be actively aware of what we are being told and check it against our own beliefs. For this, I used something that Trevor Mackenzie, an author and educator, posted on Instagram. I googled "five white teens" and showed it to my daughter, asking her to describe what she saw and the emotions that the images portrayed. Then I googled "five black teens" and repeated the process. Try it yourself and see just how thought provoking it is. (For the record, I have also googled "five indigenous teens" just to see what came up. Again, food for thought.)

As teachers, we can have thought-provoking conversations using structures like Trevor Mackenzie's provocations. We can actively teach about truth and reconciliation. We can avoid the crafts and activities that unintentionally uphold the status quo. We can fill our classrooms with books that actively center BIPOC characters, even if our classrooms are filled with white faces. We can learn and unlearn, question our own beliefs, closely examine what we're teaching to be sure that it reflects the truth of history, not just our history. We can teach kids to be kind, caring and empathetic, to value diversity, to be allies, to spot injustice and do something about it. We can find colleagues who are also doing the work and support each other. ​

Last week we hit THAT stage. You know, the one where the kids no longer think the whole "emergency remote learning" thing is fun any more, cookies have been baked, muffins have been baked, rocks have been painted, books have been read, yada yada yada and every afternoon starts and ends with "I'm sooooooo bored.". Yeah, that one. 

Not gonna lie, at first those words were like nails on a chalkboard. "What do you mean you're bored?! You have schoolwork to do and toys to play with and grandparents to call, and and and!" In between Zoom calls and emails, I was not really in the mood to find them things to do (and out came grouchy mama, who, let's be honest, no one really likes).

But then, I sat with it a bit and realized that this was exactly where I wanted my kids to be. Bored out of their trees.

Yes, it was totally annoying at first and yes, it made for some tense discussions ("No, I do not know what you should do right now, just like I didn't know 10 minutes ago!") but once my kids realized that they were on their own, they began to get creative. They spent hours up a tree in the backyard, hauling up notebooks & snacks so they could design the tree house of their dreams (also, I'm pretty sure they were spying on the neighbours). They built Lego and made up stories and discovered stop motion animation. They built forts in the front yard and made up dance routines and re-read books and learned about science on Wonders with Charlie. In short, they got creative.

Last week we fell off the bandwagon. The kids slept in later and later, my husband and I went to bed later and later, lunch was a maybe, dinner wasn't happening until 7 or 8pm...and we felt it. We were all out of sorts, not sure what to do with ourselves (even though there was lots to be done) and getting on each other's nerves because of it. So this week, we are pulling our socks up; we are dialing the routine back in so that we can be out best selves. 

Now my kids haven't hit their teen years (yet) but I teach teens and I know that there is a lot of sleeping in going on these days. And while there's nothing wrong with a good sleep in, not having a routine is hard on the human brain. You see, we're wired for patterns - our brains seek out patterns (and connection!) all the time. When you remove familiar patterns, the brain isn't quite sure what to do and it gets discombobulated (I love that word). And, friends? Discombobulated brains are grumpy brains. Ugh. No one wants a grumpy teen (or tween, or husband, or toddler, really).

I created the graphic above to help you help your tween or teen add some routine in to their days. You might want to start by getting their butts out of bed a bit earlier, then feed them a healthy breakfast, before helping them set up their list of Need To Dos and Want to Dos for the day. I like this structure because it's basically a grown-up version of a "First...Then...Next" - first, I do something that I NEED to do, then I do something I WANT to do, next, back to another NEED to do. This helps teens learn healthy, productive work habits that will serve them well as they grow older and it provides a sense of control for those kids that are prone to anxiety. If you have a child who struggles with executive functioning skills (attention, focus, organization, planning), you may need to use a First-Then-Next structure or you may need to help them lay their day out in time blocks to be sure everything gets done.

I was up nice and early this morning and I can tell you that I already feel better - more energized and ready to face the day, rather than sluggish and searching for caffeine. My kids will be up shortly and we'll lay out our days together, building in time for work and time for play. Now that's a routine I can get behind!

PS - If you missed my posts on ways to help your younger kids structure their days, you can find Part 1 here & Part 2 here. I share the game-changing way we set up my youngest daughter's day so that she can be independent & successful every single day.

In my previous post, I talked about the mindset we need to have going in to this situation. I fully recognize, though, that mindset often isn't enough. Sometimes we just need someone to tell us what to do and how to do it.

That, my friends, is this post.

Below, I have 4 different examples of how you can set your children up to be independently learning throughout the day, every day. They are appropriate for a wide variety of ages, learning styles and home situations. Feel free to mix and match and add your own flair. Find a style & rhythm that works for your family and go for it! 

Next up, I was contacted by a literacy helping teacher from Delta school district here in BC asking if they could modify my work to hand out to parents. I just love what they have done with it and hope that parents & teachers in their school district find it useful. I am literate, I am numerate, I am curious and I am kind, indeed. ​

Finally, I would be remiss if I didn't share what we have done in my own household. I have two very different personalities for kids; one is absolutely a planner who likes to have a schedule to follow, the other is more of a free-spirit who wants to go where the winds take her (that and stay in her pyjamas every day, all day). The oldest has created a printable schedule for this week based on what her teacher has sent her, although she moved away from the strict times she had set for herself the week before.  5 things to complete a day, including outdoor time and free time. ​

For the older kids, I created a graphic with some tips on setting up your learning space and creating a routine that works for tweens and teens. You can download that here.

The youngest wanted the freedom to put together a different plan each day so we created this fun magnet board (based on this post from Craftaholics Anonymous). We spray painted a cookie sheet white but that was deemed boring so she added her own flair with acrylic paint. A little bit of washi tape divvied up the board in to To Do & Done. 

Here's a close up of some of the tokens. They are colour-coded to match the Literate, Numerate, Curious & Kind graphic that I created (download a copy here), with the addition of some free time and chores. We laminated them and the little one hot glued magnets on the back. Click on the download button below to grab an editable copy of the tokens & reward "game" board.

I highly recommend sitting down with your child and coming up with 2-5 activities per category that you know a) they can do independently, b) make sense in your household (no hogging the only iPad!) and c) are interesting to them. This doesn't really take long and practically guarantees a higher level of independence and interest when it comes to choosing and actually doing the day's activities. See "Learning At Home" for activities, tips and links to keep your child busy learning all day and have them choose with you!
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Remember, these options are here to help you frame your child's day, not recreate a school environment. They provide a structure that is manageable for working parents; allowing your child to have voice and choice in what they do and when they do it gives you the freedom to work around Zoom meetings, phone calls or urgent emails. Empowering your kids with a sense of independence and control goes a long way to making them motivated to accomplish the day's learning goals. I can't promise that every day will be sunshine and roses with one of these systems, but my hope is that you find some ease and flow to your days and that you are better able to cope with, and maybe even enjoy, working and learning from home.

You guys. I have been completely overwhelmed by the response to my graphic support for whatever we are calling this work-from-home-learn-from-home hybrid. And what we're calling it is, apparently, a pretty big sticking point for many people. Stickler for language that I am, I get it. Labelling it homeschooling puts pressure on parents who are already feeling overwhelmed and ill-equipped. Calling it distance learning puts pressure on teachers who are already feeling overwhelmed and ill-equipped. Nobody wants to feel added pressure right now, especially not people feeling overwhelmed and ill-equipped (seeing a pattern, yet?). 

Over the last couple of weeks I've heard from lots of parents and seen several rants on social media about the amount of school work being offered/required; some saying it's way too much and stressing their families out and others begging for more in order to keep their children occupied with something other than Netflix while they try to put in an 8-hour work day. Sometimes these two perspectives are referring to the same teacher and the same class!

I get both sides. It's incredibly hard to work when a child is interrupting you every 5 minutes because they are bored; it's just as hard to see your kid becoming more and more anxious as the amount of work they are being asked to do overwhelms them. And none of us wants our kids watching 8 hours of Netflix a day. As a teacher, navigating these differences is incredibly difficult, since they are two very different ends of a spectrum.

What's a parent to do? 

1. Don't try to replicate the curriculum. As much as we would like to believe that learning is this clear, linear set of steps to follow, it isn't. Curriculum differs province to province and state to state, with the same topics being taught at different grade levels depending on where you are. Getting mired in trying to figure out what exactly your child should be learning is an exercise in frustration. Do yourself a favor and just go buy one of those big books of curriculum activities that they sell at Costco; it will be close enough and way less frustrating (except, maybe if you have to wait in line. I've heard the lines at Costco are insane). Alternatively, let your intuition be your guide and get curious alongside your child; grab the "teachable moments" and ask questions that guide your child to deeper understandings.
2. Get comfortable with more technology use than usual. This doesn't mean being ok with hour after hour of Netflix or video games. It means that in the absence of an available adult to teach your child, they are going to have to get their learning from a device (or free play, that's always a good teacher). My kids spent a couple of hours straight on their devices yesterday while I was in a Zoom meeting; ordinarily, 2 hours of screen time would send me in to fits. Yesterday, though? I was ok with it, partially because one kid was learning German on Duolingo and the other was playing a math game called Prodigy, partially because it bought me the time I needed. 
3. Find a rhythm that works for your family. Learning doesn't have to happen from 8:30 to 2:30. My kids have been good for a couple of hours of learning in the morning and then they fade. We usually try to get some fresh air together at lunch (a quick walk around the neighbourhood) and then they do their own thing in the afternoon. This might be playing, crafting, reading, watching a show or whatever else their little hearts desire as long as I don't have to supervise. Then, around 4 or 5, they find a second wind and finish off another hour of learning, often with dad home to help. 
​4. Offer lots of voice & choice. People are more likely to engage in something when they feel like they have had a say in the matter. Allow your kids to guide what and how they are learning right now, within a framework that you establish (may I suggest the graphic above as a guide?). See Part 2 of this post for examples of how to successfully set up a learning routine in your house so that it includes voice & choice.
5. Roll with the punches. Every classroom teacher knows that there are some days where you just push pause on the day's learning plan and head outside for an extra recess (that or risk losing your mind while the kids climb the walls). Take a page out of their book and allow some days to be more relaxed than others. Got a big meeting you need to focus on? Let the kids watch a show. Having trouble getting the little one out of her pyjamas? Hey, schools have pyjama day theme days don't they? Remember, routine is important but so is flexibility.
6. Let go of your notion of "school". As a teacher, I cannot tell you how hopeful I am that we come out of this with the understanding that school today should not be the school of yesterday. We have a real opportunity in this moment to see that learning - real, meaningful learning - happens all the time, in a myriad of different ways not bound by curriculum or led by teachers. 
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School is not going to be school right now. It's going to be free play and reading books and drawing pictures and baking cakes and watching birds fly and wondering where they go. It's going to be educational TV shows and not-so educational TV shows and Facetime with gramma and making collections and building Lego and cleaning up Lego and maybe doing that worksheet that the teacher sent because she's finally bored enough to try it. All of this is learning; good, solid, quality learning. 
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 In the end, try to remember that everyone (literally, in the entire world) is in the same boat. When life returns to normal and the kids are back at school, it will be impossible to tell who spent 3 months working through the curriculum that their teacher placed online and who spent those same 3 months reading books, playing games and exploring their interests. Do what you need to do to keep yourself and your kids sane. Try to get some learning in every day but don't sweat it.

Still not quite sure how to structure learning in your house right now? Want more of a plan? Check out Part 2 of this post for examples of how you can put together a system for learning that will keep your kids occupied and loving learning.

Wow! What a ride these past couple of weeks have been. School has been cancelled across most of North America, many (most?) people are working from home and businesses are closed everywhere. While it has been a trying time for many, I'll admit that I've stuck my head in the sand a bit, consciously focusing on the fact that I, and my kids, are actually on Spring Break and not yet subject to the craziness of work and learn from home. We needed a rest and I am doing my best to guarantee we are getting it, even if the world has gone haywire.

But. I've been watching.

I've been watching as parents take to social media to rant about how challenging it is to teach & work & parent. I've been watching as school districts scramble to figure out how to provide "continuity of service", manage equity and access issues and support our most vulnerable learners. I've been watching as teachers do their damndest to learn new platforms, adapt materials and connect with students in meaningful ways.

And I've been wondering how I can help. I've been wondering what this might look like in my own home when the time comes. Over and over again I've seen parents frustrated that their kids won't stay focused on the task at hand, that the work being sent home is too challenging/not challenging enough/confusing/in another language (literally. A friend posted that they were unable to do some of the assignments because the instructions were in Spanish and no one in their house spoke enough Spanish to understand them). Which leaves me wondering:

• What will I send home to students?
• What will I ask my own kiddos to do?
• Will my kids even do what I ask them to do?
• What is really so important that we can't just leave it until September?

It's that last question that really got me thinking. What CAN'T wait until September? What do our kids, everyone's kids, need to be learning and doing every single day, even without a coronavirus-induced isolation? What can parents support with a limited knowledge of pedagogy and curriculum? 

My answer came in the form of my main teaching mantra (you can read more about what a teaching mantra is here) - Literate, Numerate, Curious & Kind. This is what I want all kids to grow up to become and what I try to ensure I have targeted each day, each week, in my teaching. As you can see in the graphic below, I added Healthy to this list, as in times like these I believe it is fundamentally important that we also focus on our physical and mental health. I think that parents can support their kids in these areas in simple, fun and meaningful ways. It may not be what they would have been taught in school, but it might just be what they need right now.

​So, without further rambling, here it is - things you can do at home that will help your child (or your students, please feel free to send this to parents) stay Literate, Numerate, Curious, Kind & Healthy, while simultaneously maintaining your sanity. Just click on the image to download a copy.

You can find links to a wide variety of high-quality on and offline activities in each of these categories by clicking For Parents above. My hope is that these activities help you navigate this work-from-home-learn-from-home reality in a way that gives everyone in your family the time, space and grace that is needed to keep doing what you're doing in the best way you know how.

I hope this helps! As always, but maybe more so now than ever before, I would love to hear from you. Your comments keep me from feeling like I'm shouting into the void.

Stay sane, stay healthy,

"These are unprecedented times."  
I have read this statement over and over again, in my email, on my social media feeds, in the news. It seems to be the best way to explain the unexplainable, to lead in to cancellations of school and activities, to preempt questions with no easy answers. We, the adults, have never lived through something that has prompted this level of response locally, federally or globally*. We have no frame of reference, no past experience to reach for, no stories to tell. It is unnerving, to say the least.

Here's the thing, though. Kids don't understand big words like "unprecedented"; heck, most adults don't. Simply, it means that something like this has never happened before, sure, but that statement, the one at the top of the page? It means so much more than that. It means we don't know what this is. It means we don't know how to react. It means we're all swimming in murky, uncharted waters trying to make really complex decisions that may affect a lot of people, but maybe not, we're not sure, oh and by the way we also need to come out of this with some way to feed our families and maintain our sanity. 

So how do we explain this to kids? How do we maintain some sense of normalcy when even going to the grocery store causes us to second guess ourselves?
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Kids are incredibly perceptive little things. Teens are even more so. Hiding the truth or making up stories only leads them to wonder what you're hiding and why. At the same time, they may not be developmentally ready to hear the whole truth and nothing but the truth, especially when it is big, scary and pretty vague, even for the adults. Explain things simply and factually, without bringing your own fears, uncertainties or speculations in to it. Emphasize that for most people it is a mild, flu-like illness that everyone can help to prevent. Talk about the things they can do - washing hands, staying away from friends, coughing and sneezing into their elbow. Make it clear that the biggest challenge isn't that any one individual will get the disease but that so many people will get it at once that the hospitals won't be able to cope. The more people we can keep from getting it, the easier a time the hospitals will have helping those who do need help.
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This morning, I watched a couple of videos on YouTube with my kids that showed how germs are spread. It helped to explain why we needed to stay 6ft away from other people and cough into our elbows. One was a neat experiment that you could do at home (as long as you don't mind cleaning up confetti); fill a balloon with confetti, inflate it and then hold it next to your face as you release it. The confetti represents the germs and man, do they spread far and wide! It really helped my 8 year old understand why she needed to visit her friends from across the street!
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When this whole situation began unfolding, my oldest daughter experienced a fair bit of anxiety around it. Although we didn't want her to panic, we also respected her wishes so that she felt she had control in a very uncontrollable situation. It meant we missed a dinner with her grandparents but it made her feel better and showed her that her fears and anxiety were just as valid as our fears and concerns.  
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Situations feel scarier when we don't have a sense of control. Although it may not seem like we have any control over the world-wide impacts of the disease, there is actually a lot we can do to help control the spread of COVID-19. Taking small actions, like practicing social distancing, washing our hands, decorating our windows and helping out our neighbours are concrete ways that we can control the situation. You can get your kids involved by talking to them about ways we can safely help out, from buying local to boosting spirits with messages in sidewalk chalk.
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Talking to our kids about big, scary, nebulous things can be tough. It can be even tougher when we feel uncertain and anxious about them. Sticking to the facts, validating their concerns and finding simple ways to take action can all go a long ways to making this time feel a little less overwhelming.

*I realize this statement is not 100% true. WWII, SARS and H1N1 elicited significant responses world-wide. However, most adults of working age have never experienced closed borders, school closures or the quarantine of entire cities and countries. Pieces of it, sure, but not the whole kit and caboodle.

The idea of school being like yoga ran through my head all day. I have a natural tendency to try to see things from all angles (a good and bad thing, let me tell you!), so I bounced this one back and forth for quite awhile. Is a classroom actually like a yoga class? Can we actually apply the same (or similar) strategies to kids? How exactly would this work? After rattling around in my brain for quite some time, I finally came to some conclusions.

Clearly, there are some pretty significant differences between a voluntarily-attended yoga class for adults and a required school day for kiddos. For starters, there's a fair bit more choice - choosing to attend yoga instead of spin or boot camp, choosing the time of day that suits you, even choosing the instructor that suits you. This aspect of choice leads to a group of individuals who should be more motivated to be there and improve. Secondly, these are drop in classes; while some of the students may stay consistent week to week, others may drift in and out. There is a different sense of urgency in this environment than there is in a classroom, where there is a constant expectation of growth and change. Finally, there is no singular goal or purpose for a yoga class; people come to stretch, to strengthen, to calm their minds, to center their souls. They take what they need and leave the rest. Not a perfect fit but I still think the idea fits. Read on.
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Establish routines
As much as some of us balk at the idea of the routine, it serves a few very definite purposes. 1) It lets us, kids and adults, know what to expect, alleviating anxiety and energy spent on wondering what's coming. 2) When things become routine it actually frees up brain space, allowing for deeper thinking and learning. 3) Routines save time. No more explaining where the crayons go or what to do after lunch...it just happens. Magically. 

Yes, setting up routines can seem to take forever...like, all of September and in to October forever...but the payoff is totally worth it. When the basics of your classroom run like clockwork you can really get in to the good stuff with calm, confident kiddos. Besides, no one wants to be explaining where the pencils are kept in June.
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Allow lots of voice & choice
Being included means having a say in what is happening to you. Sometimes we forget how little of their day kids actually have control over; from what time to get up, to where be, when to be there, how to do things, kids of all ages lead fairly controlled lives. Inviting them to be a part of the design of the day, in whatever way you can, makes them feel like their thoughts and opinions matter, which means they matter. Allow them to choose their seating plan, their presentation method or their book club book. Already doing this? Dive deeper by bringing inquiry or genius hour into your classroom.
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Acknowledge natural variations in ability
Not everyone comes to yoga being able to do handstands and side crow; heck, most people are working on just touching their toes. But you know what? The instructors know that and they plan for it. They incorporate blocks and straps, they provide adaptations, they break the poses down in to baby steps. You can do the same. Instead of going for a one-size-fits-none approach, plan for the natural variation in your class. Low-floor, high-ceiling tasks, literacy and numeracy stations, graphic organizers and Universal Design for Learning are just a few of the options you can try to meet the needs of every learner in your class.

As a teacher, your job is to make sure that each day, each kid makes forward progress on their path. Some days they will make huge leaps, other days they may seem to stall out; some kids may zoom ahead, while others make the tiniest little gains. It's all ok. As long as you, their teacher, recognize that learning and development aren't actually as linear as our school system would have us believe, you can meet their needs and keep them moving forward. And that, my friend, is the biggest and most important job of them all.

Fast forward a few years to junior high and timed math drills; by this point I had pretty much given up on ever being good at math. Instead, I chose to preserve my sense of self-worth by actively rebelling against the math drill rather than be beaten by it every single time. If I didn't care how I did then it couldn't hurt me when I didn't do well. This pattern, of me rejecting math before it could reject me, continued in to high school and I passed Gr 12 math with 57%. I don't remember what grades I got in any other class in high school but that one; for a long time I carried it as a badge of honor, joking about how little effort I had put in to the class, how close I had come to failing. The "pride" I felt in that mark didn't come from feeling successful, it came from having beat the system, from having put in pretty close to no effort and not failing. By turning the whole thing into a joke I was once again protecting myself. 
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Looking back now, I can see a few places where things went wrong for me. For one, I was discouraged from using my fingers at much too young of an age. I still needed the concrete (I don't visualize well) but was told I shouldn't be using it, so I took to hiding it out of shame. I was also being taught using the idea that math was an exercise in rote memorization when what I really needed it to be was an exercise in automaticity. I needed someone teaching me to use what I knew to figure out what I didn't. Finally, the pressures of timed drills and the shame that came with public comparison made me choose self-preservation over learning. Later, in high school, I encountered the notion of one right way to get to one right answer, which never worked for me and drove me even further from seeing math as anything but hellish torture.
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Fast forward to when I moved to teaching middle school and met a whole bunch of kids just like me; struggling to keep up, feeling ashamed that they couldn't do it and copping attitude to hide it. Girls, in particular, seemed to be struggling the most. When I started sitting down with these kiddos, I realized that some of them hadn't even mastered subitizing, much less their basic facts, the distributive property or any strategies to help themselves figure out how to get to an answer. These kids had fallen victim to the same trap I had - a belief that math is primarily a practice of memorization and applying algorithms and they weren't good at it. 

This belief, deeply rooted in our education system, needs to be changed. We need to allow kids to make connections between what they know and what they don't, we need to encourage them to use all the tools available to them and we need to give them so much more time to play with concepts before expecting/anticipating mastery. 
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If you teach math, to little people, big people or those refreshingly honest middle grade people, I encourage you to explore the why behind how you're teaching math. There's a whole world out there beyond the algorithm that your students need to see. My 13 year old self (and all the kids just like her) thanks you.​
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